Out with the Old (Goals), In with the New (Goals)

Well, here we are, Day 1 of a new year. All of my numbers reset today, and it's time to be thinking about new goals. It's been time for at least a week now, but I haven't been able to come up with anything I'm truly happy about. How did I do with last year's goals, you asked? Glad you mentioned it.

Last December, I made a goal for 2013: I wanted to run 750 miles over the course of the year and walk 250, for a grand total of 1,000 miles on my feet. The walking goal was sort of a "gimme"—five miles a week wasn't that big a deal, really, especially since I'd walk at least three miles doing the warm up and cool down from my run, but the running goal was a stretch. It required an average of 15 miles a week, and by the end of 2012 I was lucky to be running ten.

Despite a knee injury that cut my ability to run way back during the second half of the summer and a chunk of the fall, I ran 803 miles in 2013. I actually ran a bit more than that—there are a couple of weeks in there where I got busy and apparently didn't log my runs but instead just wrote a series of question marks. I have no idea what I was thinking, but I was under quite a bit of stress, so I'm not really surprised. But 803 is what the numbers add up to, so that's what I'm claiming for the year. On top of that, I walked 450 miles even (really), for a grand total of 1,253 miles on my feet last year.

If you had told me two years ago that this was possible, I would have called you crazy. All of a sudden (if 22 1/2 months can be considered "all of a sudden"), I can run 10-minute miles without straining my breath, and faster if I want to work. I have a better balance. I eat better. I sleep better. I survived the most difficult two years of my life and came out the other side feeling clear and, if not in control, at least relatively comfortable with the things I can't control. Mostly, though, I feel capable—the word I usually use is mighty—and able to do just about anything I set my mind to.

Other exciting things happened in 2013, and I hope things will get even better in 2014, but for now, this is good. So where do I go from here?

I've been trying to think about good goals for myself. Manageable, but challenging goals, goals that will keep me motivated and interested. I often have a writing goal for myself for a year, but right now what I really need to do is write some poems while I figure out what's next, not just in terms of creating a second manuscript but of figuring out what I want to say next. It's coming to me as I write, and I want to leave myself open to whatever shows up, so I guess the closest thing to a writing goal I can come up with is this: Just write.

That's harder for me than it sounds. I like to count things. I like specific challenges. I like focus and drive and quantifiable success. Success for me, this year, is going to be measured not in how much I write or how often but in what I find to say. And yes, figuring that out is going to mean making time to write and time to think and time to read and time to dream. But in general, it's going to mean letting go of my need to justify myself and just allowing myself to be a poet. If you know me, you know what kind of challenge I'm setting for myself here.

As for running, I think maybe an even thousand miles sounds good for this year. And rather than setting a walking goal, I've been thinking that maybe I'll just set an on-my-feet goal of 1,500 miles for 2014. Fifteen hundred miles on my feet, with a thousand miles of them running. Sounds like a plan. I'll let you know how it goes.

Meanwhile, friends, please don't set resolutions about what you aren't—I'll be better about housework, I'll move more, I'll lose that 40 pounds, I'll spend less time on the internet, I'll stop eating sweets—and think about setting goals for what you want—I'll find my own kindness, I'll be good to myself and others, I'll recognize the good in myself and nurture it. Like most worthwhile endeavors, it's easier said than done, so we'd best get started.