Five Things that Don't Suck, Belated Edition

1. not having wallpaper
2. stripping wallpaper (seriously, I love doing that. Sue me)
3. brownies with peanut butter chips in them
4. telling corny jokes
5. not being the guy with the car fire on Rt. 123 this afternoon (sorry, dude)

Five Things that Don't Suck, Happy Birthday to Turquoise Edition

Note: today is Turquoise's birthday. This list is full of things she loved or things that made us laugh (or both). It doesn't begin to cover it.

1. playing Scrabble using only proper names (50 bonus points for spelling "Rutger")
2. blatantly cheating at cribbage (or Scrabble. Or Trivial Pursuit. Or, or or...)
3. Eric the half a bee
4. making fun of vapid pop stars (Shaun Cassidy, Debbie Gibson...doesn't much matter who)
5. writing ridiculous songs about pretty much anything

Five Things that Don't Suck, Unintentionally Hilarious Edition

1. that time, as a kid, I pointed to an actor on TV and said, "Who is that guy? Is he somebody?"
2. the former boss who insisted on using the expression "take a dump" to describe falling down*
3. the time my mom learned, by using the expression in front of her grandchildren, that "cut the cheese" does not always mean "slice that cheddar into pieces."
4. the (long-since graduated) former student who, in one of the first papers I ever graded as a professor, referred to Mel Gibson as a "tool bag."
5. whoever the student was who engaged in this exchange with me:
ME: It was in the early '90s, so I was in my twenties and you were...
HER: ...Not alive?...

*"It's really icy out there! I just took a giant dump in the parking lot!"

Five Things that Don't Suck, Still Determinedly Optimistic Edition

1. baby manatees
2. cookies
3. that too-young-to-know-better thickly-Boston-accented girl I met in my undergrad who wanted to know how Jimmy Buffet could possibly have cut his heel on a Pop Tart*
4. the fact that someone (Mrs. Estes, maybe?) made the decision that the Jr. High chorus was old enough to sing "Margaritaville" but not old enough to have booze in the blender, and forced them to sing "juice" instead, in order to avoid offending anyone**
5. margaritas***

*Blew out my flip flop / Stepped on a Pop Tart...
** Note to any middle-school chorus instructors out there: if you're singing "Margaritaville," the blender-based booze is already more than implied, my friend
***Rocks and salt, please

Five Things that Don't Suck, Determinedly Apolitical Edition

1. kittens
2. puppies
3. baby otters
4. basically anything that does or might frolic
5. that thing kittens do when they're surprised and they get up on their back legs and throw their front paws out wide and they have crazy eyes and stuff. Often, they fall over, but not in a way that they're gonna get hurt. That's good, too. Because most kittens don't have health insurance.

Shameless Plug for Bearers of Distance (Poems by Runners)

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you know that I've got two poems in this way cool anthology from Eastern Point Press. Half of the profits are going to The One Fund, to support victims of the Boston Marathon bombings. I'm proud to be a part of it, and hope you'll support it.

You may now return to your regular ad-free blog, already in progress.

Five Things that Don't Suck, Up Too Late Edition

1. when the Pats play day games on school nights
2. being able to watch the last quarter in bed
3. sleeping in my Wilfork t-shirt
4. any win (even a close one)
5. caffeine

Five Things that Don't Suck, Under the Wire Edition

1. having all my grading done before kickoff
2. a fire in the fireplace
3. homemade pizza
4. Sam Adams hazel brown
5. Dan Connolly