Five Things that Don't Suck, Trying not to Think About Football Edition

1. strong, powerful rhinos*
2. tall, unstoppable superheroes**
3. kick-ass ninjas***
4. steam locomotives that just keep driving forward****
5. focused, precise frikkin laser beams*****

* like, say, Vince Wilfork
**or maybe Rob Gronkowski
***named Julian Edelman
****sorta in the LeGarrette Blount mold
***** Dr. Evil's Sharks Tom Brady