Note: one of my nieces is visiting in the area and wants to come over and meet the bees. Last night, I realized I should warn her that she should avoid eating bananas this morning, because bees can mistake the scent of bananas for the alarm pheromone they produce when the hive is in danger--and nobody wants to be around 30,000 bees who think they're in danger. When she didn't question the text I sent her, I thought it would be funny to just keep sending her completely invented "rules"--how many could I get away with before she stopped believing me? Then I realized that this sort of thing is exactly why my nieces and nephews never know when they're supposed to take me seriously. So here are five things I could have told my niece but didn't:
1. Always drink a giant glass of water before you visit the bees. At least 24 ounces. Our bodies have a relatively high percentage of salt, which can make the bees uneasy, so it's best to water it down a little bit.
2. The smoker must be filled with pine needles that are EXACTLY the same length or it won't work right. You must add one 3-inch long maple twig, no larger in diameter than a pencil. It must be maple, to counteract the pitch in the pine needles.
3. Don't wear horizontal stripes. It would be okay if you were here in July, but this is June. You don't want to know why.
4. Singing is helpful to keep the bees calm (they really like power ballads in particular), but no humming. Some bees are okay with whistling, but I wouldn't risk it since they don't know you yet. DEFINITELY NO HUMMING.
5. The first time you see the inside of a hive, you need to spin around in a circle three times while whispering, "Buzz buzz buzz, what an awesome sight that was" or there will be no honey that year. It's an old beekeeping superstition, but we take it very seriously.
you are hilarious! That's the luxury of being the fun Auntie. I used to tell my nephew that it was No Whining Saturday - and that it was a floating holiday so it could show up on a Tuesday or a Friday without notice. It worked for a few years! Now he's 22 and just laughs at me.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I endorse the water-drinking but for a different (and real-er) reason: I have gotten too many bee-keeping headaches from not hydrating enough before working our hives in my full bee regalia in the summer heat... It's great that your niece wanted to see your bees : )
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