1. not getting stabbed repeatedly by your friends and colleagues*
2. having a nose smaller than Julius Caesar's**
3. aqueducts
4. spelling your name with an "ae" instead of an "ea"***
5. considering changing my name to Raeth
*if this doesn't happen today, you're doing pretty well for yourself at work, all things considered
** if this does not apply to you, I'm so very, very sorry
***I'm looking at you, all you Michaels and Michaelas out there. You rock. All 27 bajillion of you
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